Radical Conformity

Originally published at Radical Conformity. Please leave any comments there.

So I figured what better way to spend the evening then trying to add more functionality to the site. Granted I should be posting this in the unofficial test blog but since I’ve decided to make sure and never delete a post there I figured I’d try it here anyhow (plus this new plugin will let folks with accounts here and accounts on livejournal automatically crosspost over to lj whenever they want. This particular blog of mine (my happy ranting place) originally started over on livejournal a few years ago so it seems natural to split posts betwixt the two.

Actually now that I’ve gotten this far, many of you will likely read this on my livejournal so I’ll add this: This post was originally posted from my Dreamflicks.com blog: http://corourke.dreamflicks.com

Ok now that I’ve got that out of the way I can commence with the rest of this post. all in all I’m going to split my dev blogging between the radical conformity blog and the unofficial test blog depending on what the particular test is. The user plugin tests will likely be ranted about here and the general backend/frontend improvements will be over there.

One last note to the livejournal folks that read this: Come check us out at dreamflicks. Plenty of goodies including a friends system (still under testing), file uploads, over 60 themes (many of which can be customized) as well as your blog there can have all of your lj posts added in via the handy importer (with comments no less)

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

So I've moved to Everett, found a job I don't especially like, and experienced yet another painful strange turn of events, but no matter. Within a week of moving up here Zoe and I sat down to talk and after a spur of the moment trip back to the tricities which led to a very long heartfelt beautiful confession of many feelings I proposed to her and she said yes!!!

Our wedding plans are to be married April 12th, 2007 and while we're not sure precisely where we'll be getting married (Jericho Beach, Hoyt Arboretum and The San Juans have all been discussed we are dedicated to each other and to starting the family that we both want.

Please head to http://cdcstudios.com/2006/02/05/happy-days-are-here-again-3/ to leave comments :D

So it's been a hugely long time since I've updated this. I've had my surgery, had some recovery time and on the whole feel like a vastly different person. Things are finally looking up. Dating a new girl more in line with who I am rather than my changing to suit another person. My last 2 mri's came back clean so no more mr. tumor. I still have an occasional 'flashbackish' sensory issue but my neurologist says that's relatively normal the first 6 months.
My webdesign business has picked up immensely which is probably due to my actual being a dedicated worker again rather than the weirdly fogged in mentally slowish person I spent the last few years being. Funny how you can slowlly but surely change incrementally overtime in such a way as friends, relatives and yourself don't even notice, until one day you wake up as someone you're not. Happy day I seem to recognize the face in the mirror every morning when I shave as someone I used to know. Hooray.
Anyhow I'm going to continue to post to my other "blog" at http://cdcstudios.com since I like talking about nifty 'net stuff more than I do my own foibles and craziness. Thanks to those of you who emailed me to give support. You're all one in a million...er many in a billion? ah forget it, just remember that I appreciate ya!

Excelsior.

Chris

So I suddenly had all the cards in the poker game that is my life fall into place. It's not the best hand but it's what I was dealt. I need to finish fixing myself by making sure that financially I'm as stable as can be so I can get out and stay out of this repetitive rut I've found myself backsliding into for too long. I know what I want out of life and I know what it will take of me to get me there.
I hereby renounce my prideful ways (good riddance, fuck I was an asshat)
I hereby renounce my arrogance. (again good riddance, how could people stand me?)
I hereby renounce my temper. (useless rage get thee hence).
I swear on all things I love that I am now going to fix my life, my finances and my health.

As soon as I get home I'm going to get myself a nice comfy rollerball and fill out an application to every single place in the tricities. I'm going to get myself a mountain bike at walmart (I hate shopping there so make it target) and ride to the store instead of wasting gas and getting fat. I'm going to fix my brain so I no longer smoke, swear or take people important to me for granted. I'm also going to prove to everyone that's ever known me who I really am inside instead of the craptastic public brash abrasive guy you all know and loathe. I'm going to just be me. No glossing over, no asskising, nothing but pure unadulterated truth, honesty and respect as good as I can give.
I fucked up in a myriad number of ways and can only hope that I don't end up paying for it the rest of my life. I've got a rather lengthy list of people to show I've changed and then one all important person to prove that I can be the steady, reliable person she deserves.
Wish me luck

Happy new year everyone, I'm a 30 year old failure in life that had managed to eke out a small measure of happiness by meeting the one and only person in life who understood who I was. I've never liked myself and never had any respect or a sense of responsibility. Oh well shit happens. I'm 30 years and one week old and have to show for my time:

1. No relationship.
2. A measureable closeness with a whopping 1 person.
3. Such a pathetic life that a whole 5 people said happy birthday to me.
4. No job.
5. Credit worse than 91% of the entire US population.
6. Nothing positive to look forward to.
7. A total lack of anything resembling success throughout my life.

When I was in Elementary School I was told I should have skipped two grades. I was "smart" being "smart" means having "more potential". In my life I've never managed to "live up to my potential". I've lied, cheated and manipulated everyone I've ever met in an attempt to get people to like me. The only single person I'm incapable of manipulating is also the only person who has EVER managed to make me feel a shred of remorse or guilt about ANYTHING. The irony of that is that I've always endeavored to try and make other people happy and that I hate the idea of killing. I'm a mixed up pathetic idiot who would be metro if it wasn't for the fact that I'd have to dress like an idiot. Yeah Whatever. Regardless I've got nothing to show for my entire life and really don't know of anything I have any real genuine talent for. My art is derivative and unoriginal and for the most part largely untalented. My photography is amateurish at best and also largely unoriginal. I've always tried to take a small measure of pride in my percussion skills but in actuality I can barely play my way out of a paper bag. I don't have anything I can really take pride in other than the fact that for an all too short period of time I was able to have the illusionary life of someone who had love. I know now that love is something you take for granted while you've got it because eventually it like anything else will die. I don't want to die alone but my destiny seems to be to do so. I don't know when my time will be but I know that I'll face the unknown with the thought that when Death comes a knockin' I'll be looking forward to the wondrous bliss of not having to pretend to be happy anymore. I hate my life but I'm unwilling to stop looking for some small measure of peace and another taste of the bliss I've experienced all too rarely in my life.

Anyhow that's enough melodrama for now. To all of you who have success, a comfortable life and a loving relationship: I hope you fucking know what you've got. To everyone else who is searching for that momentary glimpse of happiness: Keep your spirits high.

signed,

I give up, I can't even summon the energy to try anymore so just call me a casualty in the war of life.

Chris

Finally got around to finishing up my portfolio site redesign.
old version is here: cdcstudios old
new version is here: cdcstudios new

Let me know what you think. I got rid of all of the tables and the entire thing is just one document with a healthy backend comprised of CSS and javascripting.

Comments on the work I've done and on the site in general would be greatly appreciated.

So considering I have a whopping one friend that ever looks at my LJ I'm assuming this will be fairly quiet and will consider any comments whatsoever to be a good thing (even if you manage to shred the last few positive outlook motes I have left lol). Regardless and without further ado (really now that's the only damned 'ado' aside from the one I just used that this entire damned post has had!) here are my questions twenty.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

Ok not really but I did put a book together from virtual scratch. As a present for a friend of mine I cobbled together 210 pages of fine information he's had sitting in an ugly black binder forever. Hopefully he'll like the book. I designed the cover/spine and did all the layout in the old school Baskerville font. Submitted it to cafepress for printing and then bought it. Of course even after sitting looking at the cover designs for a good hour the instant I submit the order I started second guessing the design and came up with 5 new ideas that I think would've made the book look better. Oh well, it looks good as it is and I hope I did the layouts right.

In other news I have a job interview tomorrow. It's about time!!!

So yeah, here I am still trying to find work. This sucks. I need a job, I need money, I need to move but I can't find anything. Every place I call to follow up after I submit a resume tells me "We'll call you back if we think you are qualified". Ya ok whatever. I wouldn't be submitting my damned resume if I wasn't qualified for the position. I understand a lot of people probably submit resumes for jobs they couldn't possibly be qualified for. I'm not one of those people. I hate wasting my time and also wasting other people's time.

I'm also rather annoyed that the drumcorps I helped last summer didn't pick me to be the cymbal instructor. I wholeheartedly endorsed the guy they did go with after I found out what his credentials were but considering he didn't show up to the auditions Sunday and he is just starting out with the corps I feel really pissed off. When working with children/youths etc you never flake like that.

Bah anyways I managed to get a test layout finished in CSS for the 5th version of my art/photo portfolio. As soon as I figure out a clean tiny method of changing the images and having the title and description change dynamically as well as finish the other 2 css themes the site will support I'll be finished (for now). I had always used css to specify font style, size and color in my pages while still using table based designs. I've finally started to move away from that though after a few hours spent updating my css knowledge. I am absolutely fascinated by sites like csszengarden.com and others like it. I knew css could be used to set the whole style but I had never considered fully what that meant. If you'd like to see the test layout head on over here: layout test.

Still miserable about the situation with Amanda and I. Hopefully we'll be able to get past this craptastic present and onto something better. Unfortunately until I find a job/place to live the situation will remain stagnant. I don't know what the hell is going to happen in the future and I'm not sure if I'll like it or not but I'd really appreciate the ability to get to the point where fixing problems and rebuilding can actually be started instead of standing souldeep in muddy waters.

So since this is livejournal and people are obligated to post melodramatic news and wail about how their life sucks I can easily do that. I'm in a position where I've stayed in a town for 6 years for one reason, to be with the woman I love. Now that it appears that I will no longer have the woman I love in my life I find myself not wishing to leave. It's quite odd really. I assume that a large part of the reason I don't want to leave is related to the ambivalent status of my being suddenly single. Yes I am single but at the same time neither of us knows if it will be a permanent thing. There is still a chance that we will work this out. neither of us know if the time apart will fix the problems that are moving us apart but we both hope that it will eliminate them to the point that we can pick up the pieces and try again. In the meantime I'm suddenly in an odd position, I've always been the happy go lucky noncommittal type. Monogamy was something for other people. Now that I'm in the situation I'm in I feel like I should stay loyal to her until the "trial" separation period with her has ended. After that if we decide to stay apart I can think about trying to find someone to satisfy my sexual needs. To be honest my emotional and spiritual self is so hopelessly dedicated to her that I honestly doubt I will find again. If people are all complez puzzles and a relationship is the equivalent to joining two puzzles together it seems to me (and my muddied metaphorical stylings) that she and I have perfectly complimentary pieces.
I don't know what the future will bring but I do know that I will always love her as I do now, wholly and totally.

So since I will now have the time to devote to learning more about my favorite zen application (photoshop if you already forgot) I decided to try and do a fairly trashed photo retouch. The picture is 23 years old and after 20 minutes or so I think I'm happier with what it looks like. Check for yourself (and critique me if you'd like): http://scvfan.freelinuxhost.com/retouch

More on my dismal mental state to be posted later.

Greetings mortification and abject depression, after 5 years and 11 months my girlfriend and love has decided she needs to have some time on her own to discover herself and to make a go of self-responsibility. Good for her I say, when we began dating (or going steady for those of you who are familiar with the majesty of the 1950's) in january 1999 she had never lived on her own and had pretty much been in nonstop relationship after relationship. While the cold cynical hardhearted me assumes the worst in that once on her own she'll give up and not wish to try again. Trying again after self growth is a hope of both of us as we've both stated in the hours long conversations we've had this every night this week. The sentimentalist and altogether overly romantic side of me (which is still living and breathing to a large extent because of her) has hope that we will benefit from time apart and will be able to put this separation behind us. It's funny that when I moved to this cold desert wasteland in September 1998 I had only planned to be here a few months and then return to Portland my "adopted hometown". Instead I met a wondrous woman who helped turn cynical irresponsible me into a vibrant loving person suddenly able to say words like responsibility and commitment with actual heartfelt meaning. She's the only person I've ever truly been able to see myself marrying and the only person who truly knows all of my dirty little secrets and carefully hidden flaws. The fact that I revealed something I hadn't told anyone within a week of meeting her made me feel that this was something "MEANT TO BE!". Right now I'm not entirely sure what the future holds I only know that with time apart we can hopefully fix what went wrong and pray that we can fix the problems keeping us from sharing our lives together for decades to come.
She and I have been through a lot of ups and downs and trials and tribulations of great magnitude and for the most part we were always able to get past them. Right now she feels a sadness of never having been on her own and it is keeping her from being totally committed to the concept of Us. I understand and respect it but also am greatly saddened by it.
She is my best friend, confidant, lover and the only person I've ever known that totally understands and accepts me. She says she feels the same way about me.
If there is a god I hope that his "ineffable" plan has a point beyond making two people fall in love, with a strong bond that has resisted all attempts to break it and then suffer through inestimable pain and suffering for no reason.
I don't know what the future holds but I hope after some time in the trenches of life on our own we can unite under love once more. If not then I can always realize (and hope she does too) that in this massive empty world we were both able to find the amazing sublime beauty of sharing a great love with someone beautiful.

Love is the one thing all can accomplish great things in.

Wow I can't quite believe I'm saying this but I'm absolutely fed up with so called "civilization". In our "enlightened age" of instant gratification and the American return to "Christianity" I can't help but be at a point of minuscule hope and a severe lack of faith. the idea that intolerance (a nifty gentle way of saying hatefulness) is acceptable in the name of Christ pisses me off more than I can possibly stand. I honestly wish I could just cease to exist for awhile. I'm fed up with existence. I'm not suicidal but I really don't know how to cope with all of the bizarrely horrible crap I see. Not a day goes by that I don't feel a combination of rage, depression and anxiety about the world I live in. As each day goes by I feel more and more detached from life. It's almost like I'm standing in the middle of a black hole screaming mutely. Everything is grey and bland and I don't know how to fix it. The fact that some people think that we are all placed here by a god (or intelligent designer if you ask the Dover PA school board who recently voted to force the teachings of a fact less "theory") as part of some ineffable plan is ludicrous to me. If there is a god he's obviously a homicidal psychopath or else a 4 year old autistic child with no concepts of responsibility. If there is a god where is he? We're like a neglected pet getting no attention. As Ani Difranco says "God's work isn't done by God, it's done by people". If that's true then what the fuck do we need god for? "Hey I did a good thing of my own free will but I'll give credit to this unseen imaginary friend. He's supposedly like the opposite incarnation of The Family Circus' "Not me" ghost. Fuck that noise. If it is possible that we are an experiment by an "intelligent designer" than the magic eightball of existence has all signs pointing too "failure". I think we were something started a long ass time ago than the "divine" gave up on and went on to some more interesting experiment that actually showed some positive force.

So I just stumbled across a huge assortment of photos from throughout my life. Looking through them and seeing how far I've come (and some of the backward steps I've taken as well) has inspired me to try something. I'm going to attempt to organize and categorize my entire life into one large photo album. I figure since I've been trying to write my boring as hell autobiography for quite a while now (ooh you're all thinking "who the fuck gives a shit about a 29y/o guy's life?" and you're right, think of it more as a pre-emptive strike against my eventual dementia). Anyways I don't know how long it will take me but I figure I'll try and get a a year or two of my life scanned a week. Hopefully all the work will result in something vaguely interesting and not just a typical photo album online (look these are my hummel circus figurines... yeah fuck that noise).

I need a job. I've got 10 years experience, I have a clean criminal record, I don't do drugs, I have industry recognized certifications and I do a good job during an interview. So what the fuck is the big problemo? It always seems I get told "you're overqualified" or else I see someone getting hired who has next to zero experience but they know someone in the company. Gah. I need a job and I also need health insurance.
Oh well hopefully I can find something fairly soon but also I hope I still have time to help out the Cascades by transporting the Staff Bus over to Idaho Falls for repairs before I get hired at [insert eventual employer here].

In other news, I put some of my favorite photos I've taken (and a couple taken by a friend that I really love too) on my wannabe website: http://scvfan.freelinuxhost.com (click on "my fotografs" to see 'em once you're there). I rather like the way the page looks but I really need to get some more stuff up there at some point.

Another reason that I want money (aside from paying bills) is so I can a. Take Amanda up to Vanc BC for our 6th anniversary b. upgrade my computer so I can play HL2 and c. register a domain name and make a website I had an idea for (more on that later).

Anyhow usually I have something specific to rant or rave about in this here blog but today I don't. I've spent most of the day perusing a few dozen job sites without finding anything remotely close to anything as well as a few jobs that I applied for but doubt I'll hear anything back (wow what confidence eh??!!).

So some of you who know me are aware that I tend to devote a certain percentage of my free time to pondering what to do in case of the incredibly unlikely outbreak of the walking dead. I'll admit it's a largely irrational fear however my fear of the living dead is one that is both undeniable as well as an almost guilty pleasure. If you've never taken the opportunity to think about what you'd do in the event the dead once more walked the earth give it a try.
Anyhow I spent part of this afternoon reading the excellent book "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks. It covers preparation, evasion and hunting of the walking dead in great detail and for the most part covers every eventuality and situation the average person may encounter during the outbreak. When I got home from the bookstore I decided to check out what particular sites I could find that either made reference to the book or else discussed (seriously or not) the existence of the living dead. During this search I stumbled upon this site: The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency which purports to be a site dedicated to a now defunct US Government Agency. Alright a well defined Hoax that is a decent read with fairly good quality documentation. While perusing that site I stumbled across a link to: The Santa Rosa Institute a genetic research lab that apparently has developed an anti-aging drug. What little actual scientific info on the site seems actually plausible. Not bad. Providing decent background to a hoax is an excellent way to add authenticity. Very nice indeed. Some of the names mentioned in the SRI board are actual names connected to actual genetic research companies (thanks google). A few points against it: whois info for SRI lists lee eddy as the contact for everything. If in fact this was a 50 year old organization you would assume the IT head would be listed rather than the marketing director. The FVZA site also shows an electron microscope view of a "zombie virus" that looks remarkably like either a parvovirus or else papilloma virus.
Anyhow the FVZA website is clearly labeled as a fictional site with no point other than being entertaining. I couldn't easily find anything describing the Santa Rosa Institute as being fictional but undoubtedly it is. the real mystery is why either of these two sites were created and why the name "Dango Productions" (name of webdesign company for FVZA) was also the recipient of an award in Albuquerque for public relations work. Yet aside from the FVZA website and the listing of receiving an award no other info can be found.
I at first thought this was a PR stunt to gain a reputation for "Dango Productions" then I thought it might have been a part of some "alternate reality RPG" ala the Matrix game or the AI game but nothing really sticks out as being part of something like that nor can I find anything that it would related to (i.e. a move tie-in or book tie-in).
Oh well at least it provided me some fairly good entertainment and reinforced the notion that being a zombie hunter would be a great job for me:


Try taking the test and see how you come out.

Why is it the US has such a vehement hatred of liberals? The word liberal comes from the latin liberalis meaning free. Is it not better to err on the side of freedom rather than engaging in stultifying and stagnating our country into obsolescence? I'm frankly appalled that it's now considered American to hate change. It's considered American to prohibit people from showing love to each other via marriage. It's considered American to take freedom from people. It's considered American to blindly follow people who think that all decisions should be based on the bible and not on treating fellow men as equals. I'm sorry that apparently I'm wrong in thinking that wanting America to truly be a place free of religious or corporate tyranny is a good thing. I'm sorry that wanting the world to look up to America as a place where disagreement over religion and/or personal morality is more important than allowing policies that threaten our freedom and safety at an unimaginable level. If the war on terror is such a noble ideal given as a "mandate from god" to Bush than why does Christ say "turn the other cheek"? Why do our policies seem to result in the enlistment rate of terrorist groups skyrocketing? Why is it that people are blind to the truth that you cannot legislate anyone's way into Heaven? This administration is enacting policies that undermine the fabric of the country and is resulting in America being focused on "under god" rather than the more noble United we Stand. Until we can get past the ludicrous "my imaginary friend will let us win over the muslim's imaginary friend garbage and onto "what can we do to make America closer and truly a symbol of freedom again regardless of offending the deity dujour" we're doomed to spiral into a repetitive quagmire of abject stupidity.

I think it's great that Comedy Central has brought back a new version of Hee Haw. The Blue collar comedy show is great fun in these days of "middle american values". I'm thrilled that a world in which jokes about gravy being a beverage can truly be appreciated. Now that we've been subjected to a few decades of entertainment targeting the "lowest common denominator" we've managed to even elect the lowest common denominator. The fact that people are excited about the prospect of having another four years of policies that undermine the concept of liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness is disturbingly sad to me.

So apparently the "will of the people" has issued a "mandate" that captain asshat and the rest of the bush battalions "spend their political capital". I am absolutely appalled that he manged to get elected. On a positive note Ashcroft is stepping down so that's a good thing. I think that the next four years is going to be very similar to the last four years only we'll get to enjoy even more patriotic destruction of liberty.

Anyhow I just discovered a site called "BBSMates" that had a listing for Blue Confabulation. This is awesome. That BBS was the place that turned me from a normal antisocial nerd with no computer skills into an online junkie and was really the starting point for my eventual rise to Network Engineer. It's been a crazy 10 years since I was a frequent user there and I'm delighted to see how many of the other members there are listed on the BBSMates website.

I think I want and need to move back to portland asap. I grew up there and while I did in fact have a lot of bad stuff happen to me growing up there it's still home to me. Moreso than anywhere else I've lived. Now that I'm almost 30(dear fucking god that happened quickly) I want to get to a place and city that I can really enjoy. Here in Conservative Christian Eastern Washington isn't the right place. Either Portland or Vancouver BC are the only places I truly feel comfortable.

'nuff said.

I woke up this morning and headed on down to the "worksource" to find out some information on a job I'd applied for. The guy I spoke to first had absolutely no clue what he was doing. I can understand not being familiar with abstract technical terms if you don't deal with them frequently but he was having immense trouble just comprehending what I needed (I needed to get a contact number for an IT job I'd applied for). His response was that the network was "sealed" to keep people from knowing how to contact internal resources. I asked him how he would contact an employer and he said that "the network filters out our requests for listings so they don't get downloaded by people". Ok end result: I had to ask someone else.
So my next source of misinformation (or something) was this nice lady who read over the position I'd applied for and told me I was unqualified for it (she said this before she looked at my resume no less). When I told her I had in fact double checked to make sure I was qualified and that I had been contacted about the job because I was in fact qualified she told me that I was wrong and couldn't apply for it since I needed more than just "a bit of familiarity with using office". When I told her I was Microsoft certified she said "no you need to have technical knowledge". I explained that I was in fact technical certified on Microsoft windows platforms she told me that I should make sure to mention it on my resume (It's actually listed as one of the bulletin points that I'm both MCSE & MCSA certified with a brief description of the 2 certs). When I pointed our that it was in fact on my resume she said "oh". In total I spent 3 hours trying to get information I ended up getting from a reverse phone directory (I was able to use the fax number to get a voice number).
I really hate having to deal with people who don't really work their jobs.

So I'm sitting in Barnes & Noble earlier and this woman sitting at a table near me tells her friend "We need a President like that Rev. Phelps that runs that good Christian site "godhatesfags.com". Granted he might not have the whole world on our side with Iraq like Mr. Bush does, but he could definitely make America more a safe place for all Christians". Ok if anyone reading this is anything like me you probably are sitting with your mouth hanging open in stupification. Sadly due to my girlfriend working at the store I was unable to vent my frustration in a suitable manner.
What is wrong with people who equate America with Christianity? Even Christ said we gotta keep 'em separated (ok he phrased it differently). Oh well, it least it gives me something to stay angry at :)

I just read something that made me smile and renewed my hope in America and humanity. It was a bumper sticker that said "vote out of hope not out of fear". I think it's pretty clear which candidate is promoting hope for a better tomorrow and which is promoting more fear. Happily I see myself agreeing with the majority of Kerry's stances. Hopefully the rest of America unites in awareness of the failings of this current administration.

This part is from my personal blog currently located on a free webhosting thing (it looks better than LJ does to me). Oh yeah, I just made this site and would like to point out that the site's background features lyrics by the awesome Ani Difranco as well as a little Arlo Guthrie and also the preamble to the Constitution. While that may seem like an odd mixture, all three are connected by embracing freedom. Anyhow at some point in the near future I'll probably register the domain and get some legitimate hosting instead of charter's free crap. To view the "real" designed by me blog go here: http://webpages.charter.net/janus42/radical
Peace.